Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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