Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
