we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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