I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
