Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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