I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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