I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
