I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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