how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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