I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
