Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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