My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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