Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
