So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
