Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
