end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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