It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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