Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
