Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
