I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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