Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
