11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is classic penis vs brain.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
