So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
