he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
