I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
