We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
