only you would photoshop your dick
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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