Don't you send me to vm
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
