Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
