please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
