her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I believe in your delicious
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
