Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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