You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
