just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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