In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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