She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize