I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
