i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize