I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
