so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
