I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
