I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
