she looked like the before picture.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
