If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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