No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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