After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
