You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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