when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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