My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
