We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
