Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just had sex on a roof
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
