my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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