I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize