This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize