her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
