I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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