After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
