That's intense
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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