We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
