i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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