happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
