i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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