At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
