Three words: puerto rican gang bang
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So. Much. Porn.
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