i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
