Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
