...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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