i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
