By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
