Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
