Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
