Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
