She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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