Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize