So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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