Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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